I was watching television last week when I saw a commercial for gummy vitamins for adults. I would've thought it was genius had I not already jumped on that bandwagon. I've been taking children's gummy bear vitamins for a year.

I tried to be a grown-up about the whole vitamin thing. I really did. I have a bottle of one of those "women's complete" vitamins in my cupboard. I opened it just long enough once to see that the capsules were roughly the size of AA batteries. Also, they smelled like Geritol. I put the cap right back on.

That was the week I discovered the gummy bear vitamins. On the label, it says they're for ages "4 and up," and I figure I'm definitely "up."

I've tried to push them on my kids.

"Look," I told them excitedly after that first purchase. "They taste like gummy bears, but they're vitamins. Do you want one?"

"No thanks, I'll just have the regular kind," my son said.

"But they're gummy bears," I pressed, handing him the bottle.

"That's OK," he answered.

Our conversation got me thinking. Vitamins aside, had I had trouble graduating to adulthood in any other areas of my life? I considered my undeniably grown-up qualities. For instance, I like to listen to NPR. I enjoy a nice Riesling from time to time. And, in the right situation, I can pull a mean, "Because I said so."

But, truth be told, in other areas I fall terribly short. For instance, I don't drink coffee. I can't get over the bitter flavor.

"It's an acquired taste," friends tell me. "You just have to get used to it."

But I can't figure out why I'd want to -- except that it would put me soundly in the "real adult" club.

Also, I'm not a decorator. It seems like most grown women have this innate drive to decorate their homes. They go shopping for things like sconces and have whole conversations about complementary colors.

In contrast, there's a fireplace mantle in my house that remains completely bare until Christmas comes along and then I bury the thing in garland and lights that I leave up until February.

Last year, my husband and I fell in love with this really great couch that we bought on a whim. (We were shopping for a TV stand and came home with a living room set.) While we still adore the couch, which is shaped liked a giant orange liver, there's no denying it clashes with the rest of our living space. Any one of my friends would have redecorated by now to make it fit. But in order for me to do that, I'm going to have to hire someone. That, of course, would require me to admit to some really put-together person that I don't know how to pick out my own end tables.

What else? Oh, yeah. It seems like most of my adult friends get up early to shower, organize their schedules and generally clear their heads before making the transition into parent mode. I, on the other hand, wake up more often than not with my 10-year-old standing next to my bed saying, "Hey, Mom. I've dressed, eaten and brushed my teeth. Your turn."

Remember those coffee commercials in which people would wake up when their percolators started? The camera showed coffee dripping into a clear pot as jazzy music played in the background, and then the screen would flash to a person stretching his or her arms and rising from bed with a big smile. Those were real adults. You could tell because they got up early, they loved coffee and they lived in nicely decorated homes. And I bet that if the camera stuck around long enough, you'd see them taking vitamins that didn't come with free teddy-bear stickers.

Jennifer Koski is a freelance writer in Rochester. Next week, read about her visit to Lambeau Field in Green Bay to see the Vikings and Packers play on Sunday. Send comments to news@postbulletin.com.

There are 0 comments - Display All Comments