Sometimes I wonder how many people I've met or seen, or the number of songs I know all the words to. I wonder about the amount of books I've read and movies I've watched, or the amount of hours I've spent laughing or sleeping. I also ponder how many gallons of water I've drank, the steps I've taken, or the math problems I've done. Sometimes I really just wonder where my life goes because time's been feeling fast lately, and I've been feeling like I've wasted it.
But then I think sometimes that that's what summer is for. The days and nights blend into each other, and the day of the week doesn't really matter because, like any vacation, summer is more of a long pause than anything else. Routines change dramatically. They disappear. For me, at least, I've lacked any kind of structure or schedule so far, and the moments are wonderful, but the big picture seems empty.
I wish I had done something worthy of being called an accomplishment, but I haven't. I've had fun, certainly, and the stress of the school year has subsided.
There's no pressure, and my only deadline is for the Post-Bulletin. Even my part-time job has failed to schedule me more than 10 hours a week, leaving me with an enormous amount of free time. Time that I'm rarely exposed to throughout most of the year.
Maybe I'm too immature or unused to this freedom, or maybe I know that it's quite limited, and that for the nine months that follow September, I'll go back to days stuffed with learning and working and extracurricular activities that really only look good on college applications.
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The way I've tackled this summer has caused it to pass in a blur. I can barely remember what I did two days ago; my summer lacks detail, simply because it's too fast to remember. I also feel as though I'm getting less intelligent by the day; just a few hours ago, I misspelled "aisle."
So even though the image of summer is the one thing that keeps my faith in mid-February, I appreciate the brain food that school offers. And I realize that I need some sort of structure to help me keep my balance between the two.
As any other normal teenager, I'm not completely excited to go back to high school for another year, but I don't think summer physically allows me to be productive at all. I think I can finally and honestly say that I know what's best for me, even if I don't entirely enjoy it — even if I can't make myself do it without some heavy urging.
