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It’s not all about the game

Super Bowl has something for everyone

By Ron Green Jr.

Charlotte (N.C.) Ovserver

MIAMI — The Super Bowl is about football the way "Grey’s Anatomy" is about doctoring. They’re both a stage for the beautiful people.

The Super Bowl — it was even called that when Buffalo played in it — is American excess at its finest. It’s double-stuffed, triple-decked, fuel-injected, super-sized, laser-enhanced and tricked out.

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Like Miami, host country for this year’s Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl touches almost everybody — like that creepy guy in accounting.

And the people it doesn’t touch, want to touch it.

Like that creepy guy in accounting.

Take, for example, a news release issued recently by a broccoli eater who has figured up exactly how bad tailgating food is for you. It should be noted that tailgating is officially not allowed at the Super Bowl this year, but for those of you noshing at home, it has been determined that:

To work off a 16-ounce bowl of chili and beans, you’d have to run the length of a football field 100 times (and preferably sit on the other side of the room);

To burn off two pieces of fried chicken, you’d have to load all of Tank Johnson’s automatic weapons or do "the wave" 3,220 times, which would make you geekier than a high school science club;

And, drinking four beers would require 64 minutes of stadium stair climbing, not to mention two trips to the bathroom during commercials.

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Another press release (college professors and social scientists gravitate to the Super Bowl like spectators to free T-shirts) offered this bit of wisdom — be careful whom you invite to your party. Be especially wary of young men who "live in rental property," like to drink alcohol and yell at the officials.

Fortunately, UNCC is having its own Super Bowl party.

(Hey, save the e-mails. It’s a joke. I could’ve said Winthrop, but what fun would that be?)

And what’s a Super Bowl without mindless betting.

It’s possible to bet on just about everything that happens Sunday. The coin flip. The first team to score. How long it takes Billy Joel to sing the national anthem.

You can bet Dixie Chicks Grammy Awards against Peyton Manning touchdown passes; how many times Rex Grossman gets sacked (the line is two; take the under); and whether Zydrunas Ilgauskas has more points (doing whatever he does) than Manning has pass completions.

Super Bowl Sunday is the great American holiday because it involves football, food and Prince performing the halftime show.

Like every Super Bowl, this game has its own story lines.

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Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy, one of whom will be the first African-American coach to win a Super Bowl, the other will be the first African-American coach to lose a Super Bowl.

Grossman, who gets blamed for everything, including global warming.

And, of course, Manning, who has been in almost as many commercials as that little green lizard with the funny accent.

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