Yes, JLo, Barbie, Britney Spears
Each one, a bronze female,
Have served to prove, throughout the years,
That tan is in, not pale
It seems we live in times of trial:
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Teen trumpets "tans are hot!"
Although I languish in denial:
The fact is that I'm not.
The sad, unlucky populace
With alabaster hues
Must spend the summer in disgrace
And suffer much abuse.
Your legs could light a darkened room
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My sun-kissed crony crows
While I sit nursing, in the gloom,
a red and peeling nose.
I'll show them yet! I ache to cry
I'll end this pasty stint
I pray to sun gods in the sky
To send to me some tint.
And so it is with hopes and dreams
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Each year in early may
I venture out, without sunscreen
Into the blazing day.
I hope that I might catch some rays
Or get a tan -- almost
But just like all the other Mays,
By twelve o'clock, I'm toast.
I march inside and dig around
For aloe vera gel
And then apply it, by the pound
That it might make me well.
Reproachfully I lie in bed
And stare upon the wall
Then curse my current state of red
And Baywatch lifeguards all.
A few years back, (or so I'm told)
When pale could still contend,
No magazine would be so bold
To say that we should spend
Our nights and weekends at the mall
Inside the tanning booth
We wouldn't have to tan at all!
Our pallor not uncouth!
But sad you see, the times have changed,
A healthy glow is sought
The sunless tanners are arranged
In every beauty shop.
Oh brothers, sisters of the land
Of SPF five-oh
Let's join together, and in hand,
And in our unit go
Toward the arctic circle where
Snowsuits are always in
They value freckles, reddish hair
And pale, translucent skin
My spiteful wailings all aside
(I'm sorry that I moan)
Embrace the shade and share with pride
The perks of Coppertone!
The silver lining of this plight
(forgive my sounding smug)
is sunscreen stops the UV light
and helps preserve one's mug.
The risk of cancer, wrinkles, spots,
Are easily reduced,
So as the weather's getting hot,
Resist! Don't be seduced!
Mikaela Hagen is a junior at Mayo High School. To respond to an opinion column, call 252-1111, category TEEN (8336); write Teen Beat, Post-Bulletin, P.O. Box 6118, Rochester, MN 559036118 or send e-mail to teenbeat@postbulletin.com.
