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She calls husband ‘wonderful’ but would prefer an athlete

DEAR AMY: I have been married to a wonderful man for five years. He adores me and treats me like a queen. He cooks dinner for me, pays a maid to clean the house, takes me on trips, etc. All of my single friends wish they could find someone like him.

We just had a baby. He adores her just as much as he adores me. Most women would die for my life.

My problem is I think I would be more compatible with someone else.

I honestly think I want to be married to a pro athlete. I love sports and have loved sports my entire life. I’m not one of those girls who just watch basketball, football or baseball because she is trying to impress her man. I truly love sports and would prefer to be married to an athlete.

Pro football and pro basketball players have approached me, but I have turned them down because I am married. Now I regret turning them down.

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One football player in particular pursued me for a while. I ran into him recently, and the sparks are still there, even though we both are married.

We didn’t agree to hook up or anything, but we had the same reaction when we saw each other.

I’m so confused. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but somehow I believe my husband might be better off with a woman who is truly into him and not just going through the motions.

Should I stay or go? — Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: If you value your wonderful husband and child, you will have to handle your fantasies about professional athletes (and by the way, I think you need a new fantasy) and commit to your marriage and family in the way your husband has.

You seem determined to steer your marriage into the end zone, but mature spouses find ways to be engaged, even if they occasionally find themselves "going through the motions."

Your marriage — the one you’re in — should mean enough to you that you will work through your other desires, sparks and attractions and accept them for what they are — distractions.

If you try to but cannot shake your desire for this alternate life, throw a "Hail Mary" and see a counselor before you do anything rash.

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DEAR AMY: Our 20-year-old daughter wants to travel to California for a family wedding with her 26-year-old boss, whom she is dating.

My wife and I (along with her brother and sister) don’t think she should go. We have many concerns. He is her boss and tends bar at the place where she works. He is 26, and she just broke up with her high school boyfriend but still goes out with him.

Do you think it is a bad idea? — Concerned Dad

DEAR CONCERNED: If you are worried for your daughter’s safety, of course you should do everything possible to get between her and this man.

However, if you mainly object to this guy’s age, job — or perhaps simply prefer her high school boyfriend to him — I urge you to be realistic about your ability to control your daughter and inoculate her against mistakes.

If there is a company policy against colleagues dating, then your daughter is going to have to face the consequences of breaking policy. If dating is accepted at work, then she might have to face the awkwardness of trying to work with someone when you’re also romantically entangled. It can be a minefield.

You are going to have to face some inevitability too. Your daughter will do things you don’t like, and you will have to watch. That’s the terrible surprise about parenting that you don’t think about when they’re babies.

DEAR AMY: I’m responding to letters about gum chewers.

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I taught with a gum chomper for years. She could be heard in the hallway after school cracking, snapping, blowing bubbles, gulping and trying to talk, too.

It reminds me of a ditty:

The gum-chewing person and the cud-chewing cow,

They look alike but this is a difference somehow.

Ah yes, I have it now,

It’s the thoughtful look on the face of the cow.

By the way, the chomper is still teaching and is an excellent teacher. — Retired Teacher

DEAR TEACHER: Thanks to you — and the chomper — for the smile.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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