Teen is crazy if she meets this creep, takes relationship furth
DEAR AMY: I am a 19-year-old student, and I recently began talking to a 32-year-old man. He has lied to me from the beginning. He wants to move the relationship further. I’m considering it.
When we first began to talk, he said he didn’t have a girlfriend, but a few weeks later he had to admit it because he was supposed to come to my home state and meet me, but he ended up on house arrest and couldn’t come. When I offered to visit him, he told me about his girlfriend.
I was shocked but not surprised (because I am at the point in my life where I believe that the majority of men lie).
I said we could remain friends, but I did not want him to cheat on his girlfriend.
A few days ago, I asked him for advice about a disastrous relationship I was in, and he began making more advances.
I expressed my concern about his cheating on his girlfriend, and he flat out said, "If I want it and you want it, then why don’t we just do it?"
I told him that it would be betraying her.
What should I do? I really want to be with him, but I know that if he cheats with me he will cheat on me, so I will never be able to fully trust him. But he really seems like a nice person, and I want to give him a chance. Some of my friends are telling me not to do it, and others are telling me to do it.
Please help. — Wondering
DEAR WONDERING: I gather you are chatting with this person online and have not even met him in person. Well, I’m going to do you a favor and not sugarcoat this because you need a serious reality check.
Are you insane?
This shouldn’t even rise to the level of being a dilemma for you. This is a no-brainer, a non-starter, very foolish and potentially dangerous.
The fact that you are even contemplating having any further contact with this guy should force you to examine your own poor judgment.
This man lies, he is on house arrest, he is more than a decade older than you (he could be lying about his age too) and he is not a "nice person."
You seem to have a very low opinion of men in general and an even lower opinion of yourself.
If I could place you under "house arrest" until you get your act together, I would.
DEAR AMY: I am in complete disagreement with your response to "Perplexed Parent," who had a 19-year-old son at home. As the parent of two young adult children living at home, I understand the concerns these parents have.
We believe in curfews, helping around the house and a few reasonable rules. We also insist upon their contributions to gas, car insurance and clothing.
How is any young adult today expected to go to school, work part time and still afford his or her own living space? It isn’t possible.
This teen should be held to agreed-upon rules, and the parents should enforce them. As long as he lives in their home, the parents can set the rules.
Moving him into his own apartment will only impede his education and leave him unable to get a job.
We need to be more patient. Rules and consequences learned at home teach our children what to expect in the real world. — Experienced Mom
DEAR MOM: "Perplexed" was financially supporting a son who was living in the basement and failing part-time college, not adhering to any house rules or curfews, not helping around the house, and spending his money on cigarettes and his girlfriend.
I wasn’t suggesting that "Perplexed" should "move him into his own apartment," I was suggesting that these parents should give their son the boot, giving him the opportunity to perhaps rent out someone else’s basement.
DEAR AMY: I have a solution for the mother whose toddler wanted to sleep in her room every night.
When my son did this, I’d say: "I love you. Do you want to go back to bed by your own big self or do you want me to help you?"
That way he felt he had a choice, although both choices involved getting back into his own bed.
It really worked well, and he never spent the night in our bed again. — Rested Mom
DEAR RESTED: Letting your son make a "choice" was a great idea. Toddlers need to feel in control.
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